transmutation

May 7, 2007 at 4:26 am (Motherhood)

was the labor birth rough?  i chose for 10 months to have ahomebirth and in the course of a day 24 hours, i chose to have csection. why did i chose a csection?

because we give birth in the culture.  we cant give birth in a culture in which we are not.

i was 42 and a half weeks pregnat.  suddenly having an abnormal pregnancy an abnormal labor.  and this is why contesting concepts such as normal and natural are more than the expression of a pregnant girls pet peeves.

even though i prepared for a homebirth my homebirth was held within the structures and definitions of the paradigm of the dominant medical culture.

in other words 42 weeks was as long as pregnancy was supposed to last and 43 weeks was dangerous primarily because it is abnormal.

all of a sudden themost important thing is to get the baby out.

all labors are rough at some point.  if they werent they wouldnt be called labor.  we wouldnt make it analagous to hard work.  for the most part my labor was long but calm hitting emotional breakdowns mental labyrinths physical exhaustion like potholes in the road.

they gave me an epidual pumped me full of pitocin water broke my water and my dilation reversed.  i swear my body my baby does not like to be pushed.

i have met people who have tried to put themselves in my shoes and then tell me how difficult it must have been for me.

i told the homebirth education trainer lady that my ideal birth was to be right with god.

she responded that my partner and i had communication issues.  who doesn’t?

yes it was rough to make conscious righeous decisions in the midst of the ritual space of birth.

i still dont believe in normal or natural.

my partner and i still have communication issues.  we talk about them everyday.  im still healing from the incision.

but i have come to believe in daughterhood. the ways that we carry and break traditions. and the tradition of birth impreints upon us how we can be mother and how not to be them.

oh and i hope no one reading this thinks i am anti home birth.  i am pro homebirth.  i just think our choices are more than just anti and pro.   

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