so i thought logically that the next entry in this blog would be the birth story. but the birth story is coming slowly and i wanted to say that she arrived a little over a week ago. aza. who right now is upstairs with her papa sleeping in the warm minnesota night. she is red and light brown, brown eyes, dark brown hair. almond eyes.
and the birth story as it comes slowly and complex with anger and delight mixed together with long days and slowfully painful nights.
see, how this comes out slowly. how i cannot describe her entry into this world or her presence in it simply even though i know that her persona is simple and direct. i wonder what stops me slows me down? i think this is one of those instances when i want to say it all and it all cannot be said.
the labor pain has already become a distant memory even thought i promised myself that i would remember the pain vividly.
so aza theresa. that name has become my life in the past week. and i am not sure how i became a mama. when was the moment that i passed from one side of the c-section veil to the other? sometimes i look at her and try to figure out who does she belong to. i may be her caretaker but i am not her owner or creator and it leaves me wondering who left her with me and if they will be back.
oh well. if i could just learn to sleep when she sleeps most of these abstract questions in the middle of the night would probably seem irrelevant.