all of the worst symptoms of pregnancy have either abated or ceased and yet still i am having moments difficult moments getting used to this new body. i bought a black isaac mizrahi skirt (yes there is a large part of me that loves this skirt because isaac put his stamp of approval on it…) at a church basement rummage sale on the northside of minneapolis. long, broomstick wrinkles and black. i think i am going to be a witch for halloween. i still need a pointy hat and red feather and roses wings. and a wand. definitely a wand. a wand is better than a cigarette.
i remind myself that this too is my body. not only the me that is energetic and fun and quick. but also the body that is slow simple evolving.
bought a book called breeder. i was called a breeder the night i found out i was pregnant. that shocked me. motherhood, especially colored motherhood and working class motherhood and queer motherhood etc. the majority of motherhood is among the most taxing of labors and is unpaid. furthermore it is criminalized in the u.s. welfare system. after i was called a breeder i found out that the illustrious pro-choice movement supports population control in third world countries. and i am trying to figure out how i am going to do this mother hood thing. i have spent the past decade on-the-go, i like traveling and i am good at it. and i want to continue traveling. after the baby is born. and people look at me like….oh you think that now but after you have the baby you’ll see you’ll change your mind…i am not so sure.
t he book–breeder—is good.
crash – the movie
‘the redemption of the white male’
<>racism as skeletons in the closet or better yet as zombies in the closet eating away at the longevity potentioal of all-white organizations in a post-colonial world. its not the racial politics of htis movie-even though this movie’s plot could have only been created for a primarily american audience who can watch two hour movie about race and never once allude to colonization but then i cant remember who it was who asked is it that other countries are post-colonization but the u.s. is ‘ethnic’. i have to just tell you that i am sitting outside on the steps and an old drunk white guy walked by and told me to promise him that he was going to make it to the liquor store two blocks away. he has epiliepsy—and i half way promisedhim–thought there might be chance. but now i have to go inside because i dont want to be here when he returns.
it is the sexual politics that bother me so far in the movie. (i have seen half of the movie) the gender politics which have made me nauseous.